Chronicle of the Rubber Shovel Project: Alice
Black 1981 Harley-Davidson FLTC - Tour Glide Classic

Chapter 3 - Faster Damnit!!

So this part of the story is going to start very slowly. Because funding is tight, parts are expensive, and I have to come to terms with taking apart a really good running Shovelhead ... Which is bugging me more than just a bit.. So for now, I'm currently on the market for the hotest bolt-in Shovelhead cam I can find, and will (finances permitting) couple that with an S&S Hi4 Single Fire ignition to let me try to squeeze as much power out of the stock mill as I possibly can.

Yes, yes, I know... There's no replacement for displacement. It's the most popular battle cry heard in any and every circle I've found. But I just can't resist thinking that if the Japs can get 100+ horsepower out of an engine half that size...that there might just be something to the idea of getting it to breath just a bit better. So here I go on quest of folly to see what can actually be done with the original - as delivered - 81.686 cubic inches..

One a side note: Alice's biggest, and most long standing issue has always been her tires...which are now completely worn out, dry rotted, and horribly misshapen. So they must go...because the rear is currently wearing through the second set of cords. And for the curious that don't feel like scrolling back to chapter one for the numbers, that means I got 2,944 miles out of the tires that Alice originally came out of storage with.

July 30, 2017

Online at JP Cycle:

Current Project Cost: $7,710.22

 

August 5, 2017

The new Michelin Commanders have been mounted (by hand), and I gotta say I don't think it's possible to get one of these bikes to handle any better than Alice does right now. She dives quite agressively into corners and then sticks there like she's on rails.

I will however point out for anyone curious that while I was very tempted to try going for a 140 rear tire, that the Michelin Commanders do (apparently...) run a bit wider than a typical 130 tire. So the chain enclosure clearance with the new tire is actually quite tight ... Because it really is - as stated on the JP Cycles website - 5.59" wide when mounted on the stock FLTC 3.5" rim.

Alice's Current Mileage: 17,616.9

 

August 12, 2017

Damn It Alice!!!

So the plan was to hang Alice from the rafters for a bit so I could do a final check of her chassis alignment. And while that part went fine, she also apparently decided that she didn't want to run worth a fuck anymore. Why?!? ...Well that part was going to get all sorts of the wrong kind of fun rather fast. Because after a year and a half of exemplary behavior, she up-and-decided it was time to get quite rather bitchy...

Let's back up a bit. About a week ago she had begun to start loading up a bit and running rich. But she'd always run a bit rich...(and it was never a problem)...it was just suddenly becoming a problem now. So I leaned out the carb a quarter of a turn...and she seemed rather happy with that. She was right back to running like a top. That is until yesterday, when she decided to bog, while I was pulling out into traffic... It was just the once ... But apparent the tip of the iceburg. Because today she flat out wouldn't do shit right.

Rule of Thumb: Never screw with the Carburator until you've checked everything else first!

Or... Fuck. So after wasting a goodly portion of the morning dinking with the carb (like an idiot), it occured to me that I very well may be headed in the completely wrong direction ... By a country fucking mile. And I was... Because the damn near 40 year old (solid state) "Brain Box" has quite obviously taken-a-shit. As Alice has been leaned out to the point that she's spitting through the carb, yet her plugs are fluffy carboned black as night, and ... After somebody thought to stick a timing light on her ass ... It has become aboundantly clear that she isn't even trying to advance the timing for shit. From idle all the way to 4,000rpm, the advance mark never shows up in the timing hole. Ever... So... facts being facts. Technically speaking ... Alice is now literally completely fucking retarded.

I knew I was going to have to replace the stock ignition someday, but...

God Damn It!

And we go shopping...

Online at eBay:

Current Project Cost: $8,176.53

 

Now for those of you that might actually be paying attention and wondering WTF does a cam shaft have to do with the ignition. Well... the answer is not a damn thing. But! Since I had to once again sell off what scant few Bitcoin holdings I had I decided - since this is the fast chapter - That I probably ought to grab something that might actually make the silly bitch a bit (Um...) faster ... So I did.

The down side being - Ain't there always one... - That since Harley used longer valve guides in the 80-81 models, I can't use anything with more than a .430 lift without taking the engine apart. And while that is a big part of the eventual plan, it's not something I want to get into just yet. So... for the moment, it's just going to be a bolt-in cam, a fancy ignition, and some tinkering...to see what we end up with.

 

August 13, 2017 - Shopping List:

 

Okay... So the pushrod tubes are optional, because I can most likely cleanup the old ones quite a bit (and a sleeper shouldn't be too shiny..). But the rest has to be done. And if I'm lucky with the shipping times, I should be able to do this next Saturday ... Assuming I can pick up the rest of the stuff (above) locally during the week.

 

August 19, 2017 - Cam Day!

Well, apparently the folks at the post office are real sticklers about the whole signing for packages bit. So it managed to take 3 (extra) days to get my hands on the friggin ignition kit. But it's here finally, and tracking info on the cam says it should also arrive (sometime today) shortly... So Alice is coming apart now.

On a side note: The August 13th Shopping list was aquired locally, first thing this morning, minus the pushrod tubes ... They just weren't in the budget. So it's actual total was only $45.

Current Project Cost: $8,221.53

 

Yepper... Original Factory Rivets Still Intact - We're in Virgin Territory!

 

How odd to find a 36 year old seal was leaking a bit ... Not!

 

Out With the Old...

Well Shit! I apparently forgot to get a pic of the completely stripped and empty cam chest ... But in my own defense, Alice was being just a wee bit of a total little cunt at the time. But we finally got there after a few tries with the help of a piece of cardboard from an old Coke 24 pack, that did a fine job of holding all the lifters up while I slipped the new cam in. Yes... "Normally" you're supposed to take the lifter blocks out, to make this (relatively) simple operation...simple. But I was having fun doing it the hard way ... Just to see if I could.

End Play: The 1981 factory manual says the cam end play can be anywhere between 0.001" and 0.016". But the better (fuck the factory manual/old school wise) recommendation for cam end play is to keep it between 0.006 and 0.012 ... With 0.010 being the actual ideal "Sweet Spot". Hence...Alice is now set to 0.010 for her cam end play.

 

And here is the new Andrews 1 Grind cam in it's new home

Obvious Question: Why are we wasting time with a pussy-assed (Low Compression) torque cam?

(much) Less Obvious Answer: Well... Because - for some reason - HD used different longer valve guides in the 1981 Shovelhead. So unlike (any...) other year, Alice is currently restricted to a maximum of 0.430" of lift ... Unless I want to take the engine apart and redo the heads ... Which I very much don't want to do at this time. In addition to this little detail, HD also - for WTF ever reason - dropped the compression on the 1981 Shovelhead to 7.4:1 ... Which then should go without saying is a perfect match for the (designed for 8.0:1 or below) Andrews 1 Grind cam. Putting them (old vs. new) side by side, the A1 cam had an identical profile to the old stock cam...with a good bit more lift.

 

The old pushrod tubes actually cleaned up pretty well.

 

Monday, August 21, 2017

While futzing around with my phone trying to get a picture of the eclipes...I somehow managed to - completely accidentally - (fuck-up and) take my first and only "Selfie". This was a singular and isolated 'incident"...and I swear it will never happen again.

The only Stoic Joker "selfie" in existance..

God that's fucking embarrassing - Quick! ...Do something "Manly" to cover it up..

 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Work Sucks. Shit Happens. My brother is in town...and it took a day or so to get back in the garage..

Ignition is wired in and ready to go!

Now we're getting somewhere... Alice is finally back together, and although running a bit like shit...(nothing is dialed in)...felling quite peppy. My brother however decided to spend Thursday in the garage getting both Alice and his Softail dialed in ... for the weekend's (Um...) festivities..

 

Alice's Current Mileage: 17,700

 

Why does the Softail need to be "dialed in" ... Well because she got an Andrews EV46, and S&S Carb update too. Hay... Alice was getting some 'work done', so White Bitch (the Softail) wanted to hop on the rack as well...as her parts had ben on the shelf for about a month waitinng for the time to put them in.

Not the best picture, but guess who broke it off where?

Yepper...that's what's left of the ignition trigger plate bolt that my brother snapped off in the brand new EV46 cam. But at least this one broke off rather soft so it didn't require anywhere near as much swearing as the last one. Total extraction time: 10 minutes. Yeah ... He loves me too..

 

Friday Night: August 25, 2017

So since Alice made it to work and back just fine, my brother decides we're going to go out for a few beers with our friend Paul. The purpose of this - last minute, spur-of-the-moment, poorly conceived - plan, was for me to take Alice out on a "Play-Date" with the rest of the guys. To see how well (e.g. If...) she would hold up when pushed towards the edge a bit. Hence, Paul has a 1996 (bone stock) Street Glide... that's about to get its feelings hurt ... Because Alice wants to play...

Three guys, three bikes, three beers (+...) and the shit is on. Because 'Curious George' (me) is just itching to start shit...and unfortunately - for the other two - I'm also really good at it. Not to mention the fact that I'm also playing to an audience that is already highly prone to indulgence in their own rampant proclivities.

Short worded version: First stoplight we get to between bar 1 and bar 2...is a WFO launch.

      Brother: 1985 (Evo): FLTC
      Paul: 1996 (Evo): FLHTCUI
      Alice: 1981 (Shovelhead): FLTC - Stomped the ever loving (I have no dick) shit out of both of them.

She actually comes off the line so fucking hard, that I managed to botch a shift because I was giggling my ass off at how far I'd managed to gap the two (TeHeHe) much "newer and faster" Evo's.

Paul's excuse (at the time) was that he was running two-up ... But the next morning when we were both solo...Alice spanked him again. Now TBH ...(slightly beyond 1/8 mile)... He did finally manage to pass us (solo) in 4th gear - Torque Cam...Alice has no top-end game - But from hole shot to the top of 3rd, she made his Evo look like he was on a fucking tricycle. Because she is straight-up (like 3 car lengths) vicious out of the hole.

Reality: Alice has a really long, long... way to go before I can even think about trying to screw with one of the current EFI TwinCams ... But it is quite clear that she does like to play... So for now I just need to focus on getting her a new set of heads that will allow us to run a more proper (Sifton 440) cam. So she has some (finish the job) top-end to go with her freaky fast launch.

Alice's Current Mileage: 17,827.2

 

 

Saturday: September 2, 2017

Off on a Tangent: So my brother and I were discussing the ergonomic drawbacks of the stock OEM rear brake pedal configuration on the early FLT's. And it was decided that both Alice (from 1981) and Nightmare (his 1985) could benefit in the comfort department, with a 2" extension of the brake pedal. The "fun" part of course is finding anything like that for these two antiques. But since Alice still has the (once again) still current forward mounted master cylinder...she managed to come up with a quite late model win! Because the 1987-2007 brake pedal is identical to her 81...with the -rather handy - exception of being (exactly) 2" longer. So now all I got to do is scare up a 42407-87C brake pedal and she'll be gold.

 

Online at eBay:

Current Project Cost: $8,252.53

Well shit...that was easy!

 

 

Sunday: September 3, 2017

While the original intention was to keep Alice as fuddy-duddy sleeper looking as possible. I do have a rather odd sudo superstitious - anthropomorphic - streak that makes me lean towards what I believe Alice wants... So when she decided to spit off one of the (goofy looking) OEM reflectors shortly after winning her first drag race -(I fucking swear it never gets old saying that...)- I decided that apparently she didn't like any of them. Hence they were to be removed immediately.

Princess Alice decides to be a bit less frumpy looking.

 

September 10, 2017

Sitting around waiting for Irma to come steam through got boring rather fast, so I headed out to the garage to throw on the new brake pedal. All it took was a bit of grinding to make a notch for the travel stop, a few shims, and - Vola! - it fit perfectly. Now as for WTF Irma will do?!? ...That is still anyone's guess. she's still 200+ miles south of us...but definately headed this way. El Fuck-O strikes??? Time will tell...

Irma is Coming ... And she looks a bit angry..

 

September 11, 2017

Well as of midnight last night the weather forecast folks were still saying that Irma was going to head out to sea west of us. But neither then or now has Irma shown any inclination towards following the fucking forecast... She came barreling right up through the center of the state - Just as she wished - effectively fisting fucking Florida like freaking a hand puppet.

6:00am Irma is Here ... And she acts a bit angry too...

...But the power is on, so I make coffee around 7:00am ... This would later prove to be a very wise move. Because shortly thereafter a tree fell in the forest where it couldn't be seen, yet it made a very loud humming/sizzling sound which was clearly audible, and plunged us into darkness for the next day or so..

So yes, philosophical masturbation aside...the tree falling without benefit of observation did still indeed manage to have a direct - and audible - impact on the surrounding world ... And fuck you for asking...

 

September 17, 2017

Cleanup operations are still ongoing as I was out the afternoon/evening/night of the 11th until almost 11:00pm trying to clear the backyard, and dredge a small mountain of foliage out of the pool. Tuesday was also used entirely for piling up a bus sized pile of sticks and branches out front. And Saturday was much the same, except in the back yard, where the resulting pile is still waiting to be carted out to the front for subsequent removal by whomever gets tasked with hauling off the massive amount of debris that resulted from mother nature's last little shenanigan.

 

But Alice is fine, and ready to go play ... So we should be back on topic in a week or so.

 

September 19, 2017

Well... Since Trixie is being a bit of a bitch and keeps spitting off her muffler after the cat removal. Alice got to be the ride of the week. And the new "extended" brake pedal is absolutely perfect. Call it responsive, agressive, or what ever you like. The extra leverage makes taking the rear wheel to the point of lockup a very easy and predictable affair.

So thanks Bro -(Epic Win!)- The extended brake pedal was a truly spectacular idea.

 

October 7, 2017

While my brother's tune had served its purpose well, it did leave Alice with a few bad habits. She was now a bit cold-blooded, and she had a tendency to balk just a bit (e.g. stall) when spurred hard off the line ... So I decided to make a few changes in (hopefully) her behavior.

So first I switched the HI-4n ignition's mode from 8 (Single Fire, Single Spark, OE Curve, Kick Start) to 3 (Single Fire, Multi Spark, OE Curve, Electric Start). The original plan was to use Multi Spark mode, but setting the initial timing required the using of Single Spark mode, it had just never gotten changed until now. Then I took Alice for a quick romp around town to get her up to operating temperature...and rather quickly noticed that her exhaust not had changed with the switch to Multi Spark mode. WTF that ultimately means...I've not a clue ... But it is rather interesting..

Back in the garage, warmed up and idling (at 250 RPMs), the first test - and subsequent thing to fix - was twisting the throttle wide open resulted in her stalling out ... Which is not quite the ideal reaction I was shooting for. So obviously she's a bit (too...) lean. So I richened up the low speed mix just a bit, and raised the idle up to about 400 RPMs. Yes, I did just love the ultra-slow 250 RPM idle ... But the only chance she and I have of winning anything right now is to tree the shit out of our opponent, and that's going to be next to impossible trying to launch her ass hard out of the basement.

So now it's just a waiting game to see if/how well she behaves on the way to/from work next week. Currently the Advance Rate is still at the originally selected - semi aggressive - 6.

 

---

Okay... So just to catch up...much has been happening in the garage with my brother's bike Nightmare which was in need of a few updates. Nightmare - for those what don't remember - is a (for the moment) bone stock 1985 FLTC, which like Alice suffered from the dreaded 80's era brakes that aren't worth a shit over 60mph. And so Nightmare got the same upgrade to 2008 4 Piston Brembo calipers treatment that Alice did. She also got a late model fairing, fairing lowers, and a stereo system. This all took a great deal of time.

Alice in the meantime, has been sitting since she picked up a bit of a wiggle at around 70mph. I'd initially thought it was her steering head bearings, but it may also be those damn early 80's French rear wheel bearings ... I really just don't know at this point. But hopefully I'll have time to track down the culprit soon...because she really looks quite sad just sitting there in the garage.

---

 

December 25, 2017

It's Christmas time in the Garage! Now while this wasn't actually a total suprise - since I had to help pick it out - it was a really cool christmas present for Alice from my brother:

Online at eBay:

That is a genuine OEM, NOS, 120mph Certified Police Special dash assembly!

And since it's a 90's era dash, it also has the the necessary wiring for the self canceling turn signals ... So Alice will be getting that little upgrade now as well!

Now one of our other little side projects was an adventure in LED dash lighting. Which was started by Trixie blowing a gauge light on the way back from Biketoberfest. I'd found a bunch of ultra cheap LED bulbs on eBay, talked my brother into trying a set, and then ordered a small shitload of them on his plastic... ...Which - of course - got quickly out of hand.

My brother's bike Nightmare got blue and white dash lights

Our friend Paul's bike got red and blue ones

My Trixie got red ones

And Alice - not to be left out - since we were swapping out the dash anyway...

New dash with LEDs in the dark

 

January 1, 2018

Alice's (previous) Current Mileage: 18,172.2

Alice's (new current) Current Mileage: 2.0

To date, I have put 3,546.3 miles on Alice.

 

 

Thursday: February 8, 2018

So the flu/plague/zorch has been going around like it's the latest fad ... And it appears that it's my turn to play infected. Yay... Not! But my brother is in town, there is beer in the fridge, and the office has decided to temporarily ostricise me like a plague rat. Which... is perfectly fine with me because my brother is in town, and there is beer in the fridge...and a Garage Day has now been officially proclaimed!

Because in spite of all the mods that have been done on Alice's chassis, she is still more than just a bit wiggly at speed. And this rather ill-mannered behavior has reminded me that I had previously neglected to pay due attention to the steering head bearings when I was replacing the front end. And this - retrospectively foolish omission - is about to get rectified forthwith.

Badly notched Steering Head bearings - and wiggle - now gone.

 

Trip to Harley Dealer:

Current Project Cost: $8,316.18

 

And so it did. Alice is now perfectly stable and well behaved at her current - Certified Police Special speedometer indicated - top speed of 92MPH. Poor thing really does have -(a great ass, but no tits?)- complete shit for a top end. *Shrug* ...This too will get fixed ... Eventually...

 

Saturday: February 10, 2018

Our last trip to the Webster Swap meet was quite fruitful. And one of the handiest finds - for Alice - was a new gas tank for my brother's bike. The reason for this being that since he was now going to a newer round style tank on Nightmare, he no longer needed the sending unit for the gas gauge out of the old square style tank. Needless to say, that got swiped within seconds of Nightmares old tank coming off ... Because Alice needed one to complete her 1996 style dash conversion, and they are insanely hard to find these days.

In Garage Negotiation:

 

Friday: March 23, 2018

So our comrade, cohort, and coconspirator Paul - who will be appearing elsewhere on the site eventually - decided that it was high time to part ways with his 1996 EFI Street Glide...because (Alice kept outrunning it)...it was about to keel over dead. And he was getting tired of watching our taillights disappear as he flogged the poor thing half to death trying to keep up. Now the kid can ride better than many I've seen - His mount was just badly in need of a recycling. This got remedied today with a 2009 Street Glide Ultra.

Now That folks, is a Shit Eating Grin - Alice is in trouble..

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4 - Bitcoin is Killing Me!
Project Alice: Is currently held up by the fact that bitcoin's value is in the toilet